It's the People Who Matter

Yesterday was our 20^th wedding anniversary. It was also the day our country got a new president. We spent the morning watching the inauguration, marveling at the power of Amanda Gorman’s words, and President Biden’s ideas, and the hope and love and call for unity that wove its way through the ceremony. It was beautiful to see the fist-bumps of Kamala Harris and Barack Obama, to revel at the connection Madame Vice President had with the former First Lady, to experience the love and respect of the Bidens, and to watch so many people connecting over a shared stand for possibility.

It was powerful, moving, uplifting, and made me cry.

Twenty years ago, words, ideas, hope, love, unity, and a shared experience among people we cared about did the same. Anniversaries are all about the couple who got married. They’re sort of a “yay, you made it” acknowledgement, and every thumbs-up and heart emoji is validation that someone cares that we continue to make it. But at a wedding, it’s never just about the couple getting married – at least it didn’t feel that way to us. We chose to get married in Puerto Vallarta, at the restaurant of a family friend, and for various reason, mostly involving the lack of a wedding mark-up on costs, we were able to invite anyone we’d ever cared about who may want to make the trek to Mexico for a four-day weekend. Eighty people decided that sounded like fun, and they were the most eclectic group of wedding guests we could have imagined. We spent the long weekend more or less together, on the beach, at the gatherings we’d planned, and finally, eating, drinking, dancing, and celebrating our wedding. Most of my memories from that evening come from photos, but the one that remains etched in my mind was after the party, when all our friends had gone to bed. Ed and I stripped out of wedding finery and spent hours lying naked on the bed just talking about the weekend. We recounted conversations we’d had with other people, impressions of our friends’ enjoyment and happiness, moments of joy and delight, things that made us laugh. The people who shared the weekend with us made it memorable and extraordinary, and our wedding became much greater than a set of promises made by two people. It was a celebration of hope, of love, of possibility, and of the community who joined us in that celebration.

I found unexpected parallels between the inauguration yesterday, and the 20^th wedding anniversary we celebrated at home instead of back in Puerto Vallarta as we’d planned. Yes, President Biden and Vice President Harris are making the promises, saying the words, and will be doing the work, but the day was not just about them. The people behind them, supporting them, speaking words of hope and possibility, hugging and fist-bumping each other – those people, we, the people – are celebrated just as thoroughly by that ceremony as the two people being honored were. And as I look at my twenty years of marriage – of partnership – yeah, we’ve done the work, and we continue to do the work, but it’s never just been about us. Our children and our families rely on us, our friends support us in a mutual system of respect, care, and laughter, and our community envelopes us in safety and certainty. Our wedding was made special by the people with whom we shared it, and the inauguration feels the same – it’s never just been about the two people. We are a village, a tribe, a community, a country, and it’s as important for us to have shared in the hope, love, and possibility of that celebration as it was for us to have shared our wedding with our family, friends, and community.