It's the People Who Matter
It was powerful, moving, uplifting, and made me cry.
Twenty years ago, words, ideas, hope, love, unity, and a
shared experience among people we cared about did the same. Anniversaries are
all about the couple who got married. They’re sort of a “yay, you made it”
acknowledgement, and every thumbs-up and heart emoji is validation that someone
cares that we continue to make it. But at a wedding, it’s never just about the
couple getting married – at least it didn’t feel that way to us. We chose to
get married in Puerto Vallarta, at the restaurant of a family friend, and for
various reason, mostly involving the lack of a wedding mark-up on costs, we
were able to invite anyone we’d ever cared about who may want to make the trek
to Mexico for a four-day weekend. Eighty people decided that sounded like fun,
and they were the most eclectic group of wedding guests we could have imagined.
We spent the long weekend more or less together, on the beach, at the
gatherings we’d planned, and finally, eating, drinking, dancing, and
celebrating our wedding. Most of my memories from that evening come from
photos, but the one that remains etched in my mind was after the party, when
all our friends had gone to bed. Ed and I stripped out of wedding finery and
spent hours lying naked on the bed just talking about the weekend. We recounted
conversations we’d had with other people, impressions of our friends’ enjoyment
and happiness, moments of joy and delight, things that made us laugh. The people
who shared the weekend with us made it memorable and extraordinary, and our
wedding became much greater than a set of promises made by two people. It was a
celebration of hope, of love, of possibility, and of the community who joined
us in that celebration.
I found unexpected parallels between the inauguration
yesterday, and the 20th wedding anniversary we celebrated at home
instead of back in Puerto Vallarta as we’d planned. Yes, President Biden and
Vice President Harris are making the promises, saying the words, and will be
doing the work, but the day was not just about them. The people behind them,
supporting them, speaking words of hope and possibility, hugging and
fist-bumping each other – those people, we,
the people – are celebrated just as thoroughly by that ceremony as the two
people being honored were. And as I look at my twenty years of marriage – of partnership
– yeah, we’ve done the work, and we continue to do the work, but it’s never
just been about us. Our children and our families rely on us, our friends support
us in a mutual system of respect, care, and laughter, and our community
envelopes us in safety and certainty. Our wedding was made special by the people
with whom we shared it, and the inauguration feels the same – it’s never just
been about the two people. We are a village, a tribe, a community, a country,
and it’s as important for us to have shared in the hope, love, and possibility of
that celebration as it was for us to have shared our wedding with our family,
friends, and community.